Model Forum / Radio Controlled / Helicopters / August 2006

Hey John, guess f.cking what. Not only did it piss down ALL the f.cking way
(just over a 1200 miles to my "start my holiday" point), it thundered,
chucked down sh.t loads of lightning and blew gales. As soon as I got up the
morning after I arrived at my "start point", the sun came out and stayed out
every day, all day and the temps reached 50 f.cking degrees.

Excellent riding for close on two weeks and then on the way back down to
Gothenburg, it was a full blown storm all the way from start to finish. (6
hours of riding, stopping only for juice). Weather cleared up when I got to
Newcastle and the last leg was "gloves off" all the way.

Pics weren't on the agenda after the camera got soaked on day one:-(. My
satnav didn't get wet though, which was a "sort of" blessing, apart from not
having used one before and making a dickheads mistake. I forgot to delete
the first waypoint and with the weather throwing everything it could at me
(so I couldn't see further than 100 yards) I ended up doing 74 kilometers in
Holland and only got 5 kilometers away from the f.cking harbour:-)))

Things probably wouldn't have been so bad if I could've seen where I was or
where I'd been, but it all added to the experience.

Then the battery went flat on the satnav and I blew the fuse on the power
lead, so I bought a map and shoved the satav in a waterproof bag and left it
in a pannier and went commando for the rest of the way.

Holland has f.ck all traffic (comparatively anyway) so I got me head down
and leathered it as fast and for as far as I could on day one. I reached
Bremen in Germany and tucked myself into a motel for the night.
Unfortunately, the tart who was working there decided that knocking on my
bedroom door at 5 past 1 in the morning was apparently a "good idea". Had
she not been the spitting image of Danny DeVito when he played the Penguin
in the Batman movie, it may well have been, but she did and it wasn't.
Bitch. Why did she knock? To give me a f.cking receit for a cup of bastard
coffee. Don't mention the war!! :-) Ijmuiden in Holland to just beyond
Bremen in Germany in 6 hours. Knackered.

Day 2 saw a bright start, just to lull me into a false sense of ecurity. It
lasted about 20 minutes before the rains came again. BIG style. I caned it
through Germany through Hamburg and up to Flennsburg just on the Danish
border, then up to Odense, hen Kobe and finally to the bridge to Sweden near
Copenhagen. The last hour in perfect weather again.

I burrowed into the tunnel that leads to the bridge between Denmark and
Sweden and came out into another f.cking thunderstorm which lasted until
about 8 o'clock at night, at which time I thought "f.ck it, time to find
digs". By this time I was about 150 miles into Sweden and bollocksed.

Day 3 saw the usual great weather. Pissing down. Not just cats and dogs, but
I think a few horses, sheep and cows too. Oh yeah, and lightning. That
lasted all the way to a place called Jonkoping where I found myself on some
fantastic twisties, but infortunately, the rain had washed 6 million tons of
pebbles/grit/stones across the road making it feel like ice. Just f.cking 
perfect:-) Then the winds picked up for the last 150 miles and I swear I was
leaning a good 20 degrees and still going in a straight line. Passing trucks
was an experince in those conditions too, although not a good one.

Finally reached my "start point" (a pals place in Bert Weedon) and collapsed
into my pit hoping the rest of the fortnight wasn't going to be along the
same lines. Thank f.ck it was exactly the opposite the whole time. I never
saw rain again and rode some superb roads at silly (nay, ridiculous) speeds.
With only about 2 million cars in the whole of Sweden, running into traffic
isn't a concern and with speed camera's consigned to just a few motorway
type roads, there was no-one to stop me having a blast. So I did. Every
day:-)

Temps in the shade of 35 were a bit wearing, and riding at silly speeds in
just a T-shirt (and pants, before you start) was a worry at first, but by
the 3rd day of "enduring" such horrific conditions, I was,
well...conditioned:) I reckon I burned enough fuel to light up a city for a
month and only had a couple of "moments" of interest. Cheesewire guardrails
don't look too inviting when the back end is scrabbling for grip though, but
I suppose after around 1000 miles without killing myself, I got used to them
too.

'Course, I eventually had to think about coming back and that's when I
checked the weather forecast. I almost wish I hadn't bothered. Thunderstorms
all the way to Gothenburg forecast and for once, they had it spot on.
Another 6 hours of sh.t in the dead of night. They haven't heard of street
lighting outside of the major cities over there, and "black" really MEANS
black, specially when it's you're in a thunderstorm dodging more cats, dogs,
horses, sheep and cows. I think a few moose were lobbed down on the return
trip too, but none of them hit me:-) Head down again and keep it pinned 'til
the fuel light flashes then find some tit. Thankfully, they have petrol 24
hours a day all over the place.

The bike ran absolutely faultlessly and never missed a beat either. f.ck 
knows how much rain I rode through, and the temps over there were enough to
worry a fire walker, but the bike took it all in its stride. I know my next
bike will be a Kwaka, that's for sure.

Anyroad, back home now and I'm probably going to miss the EoSM of UKRM coz
the missus is about to bugger off for a week in Bert to see her Ma and Pa
and it's quite good spending a bit of time with her.

You can come wi' me next time I bugger off if tha wants to.